Know Your Partner
BREASTS (BREAST STIMULATION)
Compared with the rest of a woman’s sexual anatomy, breasts are relatively simple. The nipples rest on top of the dark circles of the areolae and become erect when aroused. For all their erotic significance, the breasts are really quite similar to sweat glands, and their primary role, as any breast-feeding mother will attest, is as a source of warm milk for babies. One could come up with interesting theories as to why in our bottle-fed, nurture-starved Western culture, large breasts have become such a powerful symbol of desire. Whatever the reason is, this flood of images has led many men (and women) to the mistaken belief that size reflects sexual appetite: the larger the breasts, the more sexually desirous a woman is. In actual fact, a woman’s sexual sensitivity, experience, and self-perception determine the responsiveness of her breasts, as they do with her sexuality in general. Size has nothing to do with it.
In the “buttons and knobs” view of arousal, men often zero in on their partner’s nipples. Though some women enjoy immediate nipple stimulation, many prefer a lighter, more indirect touch to begin with. Generally, try to circle around your partner’s breasts to increase her anticipation and desire before actually touching the nipples themselves. Some women, however, experience very little sensation when their breasts or nipples are touched, so don’t be disappointed. Rubbing your fingers together to warm them before touching her nipples will increase the amount of chi, or energy, and can help stimulate her. As you touch her nipples lightly, you may be able to feel a current of electricity flowing between your finger and her nipple. Licking her nipples with your tongue is often very effective since your tongue has a lot of chi. Sometimes, as with many men, the nerve pathways to the nipples need activating, which can occur with gentle, gradual stimulation over time. But your partner needs to be open to this slow awakening.
Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Couple
Pleasuring Your Partner
Unlike men’s arousal, women’s has no precipice. True, many women will have orgasms that they find so fully satisfying (and climactic) that they do not need to continue making love. And as we discussed earlier, some women even ejaculate. But since women do not have to worry about losing an erection or spilling their seed, they can generally surrender themselves to pleasure in a way that men cannot. Nevertheless, women do not fall into bliss without effort. Reaching orgasm, multiple orgasms, and expanded orgasms requires knowledge, skill, and effort of women just as it does of men. Here’s how you can help.
In Sexual Kung Fu all aspects of touch are seen as part of the union between man and woman. Touching hands or lips is as much a part of harmonizing with one another as is intercourse. As with self-pleasuring, you probably have your own way of pleasuring your partner, and though most women have the same general erogenous zones, each woman, of course, has different sensitivities at different times. Try out these Taoist techniques, but let your partner’s preferences be your guide.
“The essence of foreplay is slowness,” states the Discourse on the Highest Tao Under Heaven. “If one proceeds slowly and patiently, the woman will be exceedingly joyful. She will adore you like a brother and love you like a parent. One who has mastered this Tao deserves to be called a heavenly gentleman.” Because anticipation and growing intensity are important in bringing your partner’s desire to a boil, you should begin with passionate kissing. Begin at her extremities rather than her genitals. Caress, massage, and kiss her hands and wrists as well as her feet and ankles. Move up her arms and legs to her abdomen. Stimulating points along the meridians of her body (energy channels) will help increase her sexual excitement: there are many points along or near her spine (the Back Channel), such as the small of her back, her neck, and her ears. The underside of the arms and the inside of the thighs are also very sensitive on most women. By caress, we mean that your touch should generally be featherweight, although it can be heavier when you are stimulating larger muscles such as her buttocks.
HER BREASTS (BREAST STIMULATION)
As we mentioned earlier, when you approach her breasts, spiral around them in ever narrower circles until you slowly reach her nipples. Most men go for the nipples too soon. (Old breast -feeding instincts, perhaps.) Circling them slowly will draw her sexual energy to her nipples. Also, remember to rub your thumbs and forefingers together to generate more chi Finally, touch her nipples lightly, and try rolling them between your thumbs and index fingers. (You can touch both breasts or just focus on one at a time.) Some women enjoy harder squeezing and fondling, but let your partner’s responses guide you. As we already mentioned, your tongue is highly charged with chi, and using it to lick, s piral around, and suck on her nipple is often an excellent way to arouse her. If her nipples become engorged and erect, you are doing something right.
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