I think one of the biggest misconceptions about the female genitals is something that one of my teachers Joseph Kramer taught me, is that the genitals are sensitive but they are by no means delicate. We don’t have to treat them like they they’re these fragile little things that are going to break. They have a sensitivity but they are not so delicate that we have to be tentative when we’re touching them.
I like to think of the massage as having an arc, of coming in, you can even come up the thighs and coming in from the outside in. So you’ve got the outer labia, then the inner labia, then the clitoris. Some of the techniques on the outer labia can be, stretching and also rolling in between your fingers. Same thing with the inner labia, rolling and also stretching. On the clitoris, teasing around the clitoris as opposed to going directly towards the head of the clitoris. Some women like to have their clitoris indirectly stimulated, so you can squeeze the labia together and then rolling the labia together so that you’re indirectly stimulating the shaft and head of the clitoris.
Then moving on to just teasing on the outside of the vaginal opening after you’ve done a nice warm-up massage of the whole area. Teasing along the outside of the vaginal opening and around, near the outside of the vaginal opening just above, is the urethra. Which also has erectile tissue in it which can also be a place of great pleasure. I know I really like having my urethra stimulated and that is something that helps me to female ejaculate. But as we move to the vaginal opening just make sure not to penetrate right away. You’re really taking time around that opening to tease, to massage, to allow her to draw you inside.
Once inside you can massage the G spot which is usually right near the entrance (on the roof of the vagina). You can massage the A spot which is 3-4 inches deeper and massaging along the entire roof of the vagina. As you massage you don’t want to think of it is an in and out. You want to think of it as being on the tissue and moving the tissue.
You can use 1 finger or 2 fingers. With 2 fingers you have the opportunity of hitting both the A spot and G spot simultaneously and you can use your thumb on the clitoris called the Triple Treat. One of my favourite techniques as well. Another thing you can do is getting the roots of the clitoris. Putting two fingers in side, spread them open and curl the up (towards the roof of the vagina, palm up). The roots of the clitoris are in there. A lot of people don’t even know that the clitoris has a head, a shaft and the roots. So these are some of the things you can do whilst massaging the genitals. And realising that this is a great spot, if we’re massaging the rest of the body why not massage the genitals.
To keep exploring that, to move into this as an intimacy thing, you don’t always necessarily have to have sex after. You can just give that (genital) massage and just let your partner be in that massage. But it can also be a great place to move into intimacy, to move into love-making, into sexual intercourse afterwards. So as you close the genital massage, it’s really good to hold it, in stillness. Just like you came into the body slowly, you came in, in layers. Put one hand on her heart and one hand on her genitals and take some nice deep breaths together. Then looking into each other’s eyes, cuddling, holding, kissing, making love whatever it is you want to do from there. So never stop exploring. Keep playing with one another, keep it fun, don’t make it serious and keep breathing.